The Ties That Bind Us
by Grumpr
Summary: September, 1976. A few weeks after he runs away from home Sirius is still struggling to truly escape his family's influence when he is confronted by his brother in the Hogwarts library.


**The Ties That Bind Us**

**Synopsis: **September, 1976. A few weeks after he runs away from home Sirius is still struggling to truly escape his family's influence when he is confronted by his brother in the Hogwarts library.

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**September, 1976**

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The damn coat of arms wouldn't come off.

Sirius frowned at the Black family crest embossed on the side of his leather school bag. The same coat of arms as was embroidered on his pyjamas and dressing gown and printed on the front of his notebooks. His monogram was everywhere on his possessions—even on the back of his toothbrush.

So used to seeing displays of his family's pride everywhere, Sirius hadn't realised how strange it was until he'd come to Hogwarts.

_The four boys were all digging in their trunks for pyjamas and toothbrushes, most of them too tired after the Welcoming Feast to do more than finding their way to bed. _

_Dismayed, Sirius discovered that in his enthusiasm the night before he'd buried his pyjamas at the very bottom of the trunk. He sighed and started flinging his other clothes and possessions on the four-poster bed one by one, trying to get to his pyjamas._

"_What's with all the monograms?" asked James Potter, picking up a sock Sirius had just thrown on the bed. Three interlocked initials had been carefully embroidered in the fabric, with a small family crest above it._

_Sirius looked up. "Hmm—oh, that. My parents insisted on putting it on everything—it helps to know what's mine, I suppose. Yours didn't do that?"_

"_On my dressing gown, sure—I don't have my initials on my toothbrush."_

_Sirius was aware that the other two boys—Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew—were following their conversation from where they were quietly changing into their pyjamas. Feeling a room full of eyes on him Sirius rolled his eyes._

"_That's because you're the only one with a toothbrush decorated with phoenixes and Golden Snitches—no one else would ever think it was his."_

"_That's true." James grinned, letting himself fall backwards onto his bed after throwing the sock back at Sirius. "What does the O stand for, anyway?"_

"_Orion," said Sirius, lifting his school bag from the trunk, suddenly conscious in a way he hadn't been before of the golden family coat of arms embossed in the leather. "For my father."_

_Under the school bag he finally found his elusive silk pyjamas. Sirius paused for a moment as he stared at the familiar dark-green colour, until James idly mentioned he was sure the pillows would be excellent for a pillow fight and his mind was quickly pulled elsewhere._

Until now, he'd borne the good-natured ribbing about the omnipresence of his family's crest with only mild annoyance—but the events of late had made it become a matter of rather more urgency.

If only he could get the bloody spell to work as it should.

He frowned and consulted the heavy spell tome he'd found in the library shelves. The spell should be relatively easy, and Sirius had never had much trouble with Charms. He was sure he'd gotten the wand movement and pronunciation right—the spell should have worked.

With a sigh of frustration, he flicked the book closed again. The loud noise drew a warning from Madam Pince, but Sirius sent her a charming smile and after a suspicious look, she returned to her register.

Sirius put his wand to the leather crest again.

"_Deprimo_," he mumbled.

As before, nothing happened. The family crest was as prominent as before, the _toujours pur_ somehow looking even more legible than before.

He clenched his jaw. Most likely his parents had cast spells on the leather to prevent anyone from removing the family's coat of arms. It would be just like his mother to ensure they haunted his life even after he ran away.

At this rate he would have to buy a new school bag, which would deplete his remaining pocket money rather quickly. Mr and Mrs Potter had generously offered to pay for his supplies, but Sirius hadn't wanted to impose on the elderly couple more than he already had. They had been kind enough to let him stay for the remaining weeks of the summer holidays after he'd showed up at their house in the West Country at four in the morning—he could ask no more of them.

And besides, it was just a leather school bag. Surely if he could find the right spell he could get the blasted crest off, even if he had to get creative to get around his mother's tricks.

It wouldn't be the first time: his mother had never managed to undo the Permanent Sticking Charm Sirius had used to stick Muggle posters and Gryffindor banners to his bedroom walls—although Sirius privately suspected his mother had given up because she kept getting distracted by arguing with her son whenever the sight of the posters annoyed her.

If the worst came to the worst he could always just blast the crest off the leather entirely. Sirius let out a bitter laugh at the thought, drawing another warning look from Madam Pince.

He put his wand to the family crest, ready to try one more time.

"What are you doing?"

At the familiar voice—muted in deference to the fact that they were in a library—Sirius looked up to find his brother standing at his table.

Regulus was frowning at him. His brother had shorter hair than he'd had when Sirius left, most likely the result of one of their mother's last minute haircuts to ensure her sons looked respectable at school.

For a moment, Sirius didn't know what to say. He and Regulus had seen each other only a few times in passing since that night—awkward moments with no words exchanged.

On September 1st, Sirius had delayed arriving at Platform 9 3/4 until five minutes before departure, knowing his parents had always dropped him and his brother off at a quarter to eleven. It meant he could avoid seeing his parents, but he and James had had to trudge through most of the train before finding Remus and Peter. Along the way he'd spotted Regulus in a compartment, sitting with some fellow Slytherins.

He'd hesitated outside the compartment, for just a second. Then he'd moved on.

After that, he'd seen Regulus around the school on a number of occasions, but this was the first time his brother seemed to acknowledge him.

A twinge of guilt struck him at the thought of what Regulus must've made of him running away. Then his eyes fell on the new prefect badge pinned to the front of his robes.

Sirius's mood darkened, instantly reminded of the comments he'd had to endure once _that_ letter had arrived.

"_Why can't you be more like your brother? We've never had letters home from his head of house."_

"_That's because Reg is a dull suck-up who likes rules," Sirius had sneered, and there had been yet another argument that ended with him slamming his bedroom door shut behind him._

Even now, the sight of the green and silver badge brought a tinge of annoyance.

"What is it to you?"

Regulus frowned at him. "It looks like you're trying to remove the family crest from your bag."

"Well done," said Sirius, deeply sarcastic. "Got it in one."

Regulus's face twisted at the flippant reply, his voice more heated when he responded.

"So what, you're just going to pretend you don't have a family?"

"I'm not pretending anything," said Sirius. "I left—I'm no longer a part of the Black family. And frankly—" He held up the school bag, the golden letters spelling _toujours pur_ gleaming. "—I'm glad to be rid of you lot."

"Are you going to change your name too?" said his brother, his voice terse.

"I might," said Sirius boldly, although the idea made something inside of him squirm. "Perhaps I'll burn this crest off. It seems only right, I'm sure _she_ blasted me off the family tapestry the moment I left."

Regulus didn't deny it. "You're unbelievable," his brother said fiercely. "Do you have any idea what you running away like that did to them?"

"I bet they were happy to see the back of me," said Sirius coolly. "I doubt she even waited to see if I'd come back before blasting me off the family tapestry. Good riddance to the traitor."

Sirius mimed the blasting with his wand and laughed, hollowly. "And you finally got to be the perfect heir they always wanted, you must've been pleased."

Regulus flinched. He flushed red—and for a brief instant Sirius felt that perhaps he was being unfair to his brother.

At that moment a furious voice cut in.

"Out! Out!"

Their arguing—in what Sirius realised must have been increasingly loud tones—had finally drawn the ire of the school librarian. Madam Pince was standing over their table, wand out and looking livid.

"But I was still working—"

"There will be no arguing in the library!" said Madam Pince, and she snatched the book from Sirius's hands.

"Hey, I was using that!"

"Out!"

"Great, thanks very much, Reg," said Sirius sarcastically, when they were practically herded out by the angry librarian.

His brother didn't respond. Apparently the interruption had made him regain his composure because his face was an inscrutable mask.

When he stayed silent, Sirius felt his own annoyance fade, leaving him with a vague feeling of guilt. He hadn't truly meant to argue with Regulus. Judging by the scroll of parchment sticking out of his brother's school bag—embossed with the same family crest as Sirius's—neither had it been his brother's reason for coming to the library.

It was just that whenever he saw Regulus these days he was always reminded of _them_.

"Hey, Reg," he said, in a more subdued tone. "You've—you've been all right, haven't you?"

Regulus stared at him for a moment, face unreadable.

"As if you care," he said coolly.

And with that, his brother turned on his heel and stalked down the corridor, back to the Slytherin common room.

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**A/N:** Please leave a review if you liked it! :)


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